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The Black Corner
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The Black Cornerempty posted: 10.03
Mike Ramey Mike Ramey
The Brotherhood Warning Service II
by Mike Ramey,
The Manhoodline
some text

Welcome to fall brothers--and manhood school is always in session!

If you have read the first part of this column, you are more than ready for part two. Since your favorite columnist is picking up new readers all the time (including a LOT of upright sisters), let me provide a 'cliff refresher' as to the contents of the first installment.

Don't worry--if you can't find it now, someone WILL send it to you!

*In the first column, yours truly had reported on the ways in which some single sisters were spending their spare time using various Internet websites as 'stealth hammers' to 'try' to club the brotherhood. These sisters were telling the world what some brothers weren't doing, or weren't providing when it came to relationships. Never mind the fact that their contribution to the relationship breakup never did (and never seems to) come up for discussion.

In some sisters' view…it was all HIS fault--period.

Since I am no stranger to controversy, I pulled out my trusty keyboard and my KJV Bible. Yours truly was blessed to provide a list of four types of women the brotherhood should A-V-O-I-D like the plague, and THE one type of woman good brothers should seek with all deliberate speed--as WIVES. I also mentioned in the column that if you know the types of women to avoid, the name did not matter. It was a fill-in-the-blank process.

I also challenged the sistahhood to start kicking these bad sisters to the curb.

I always find it strange that some women are quick to line the brotherhood up against the wall for every slight--real or perceived--but never seem to ever get up the courage to confront their whorish, roughneck, and hood rat FRIENDS! But, I digress.

With that column finished, syndicated to my clients and put to bed, I went on to other projects. Columnists don't have the luxury of waiting for responses…especially when you do a monthly on the Internet.

Then, one cold, winter afternoon--one of my email accounts went berserk!

First, I got a lot of email from a great number of brothers who FINALLY had a tool and a road map they could use in their manhood arsenal to find Miss Right. Second, the email responses from the GOOD sisters ran three to one in favor of the first column.

In the immortal words of a well known sage: I'm baaaaaack!

Now, I'm not a 'relationship guru', nor do I play one on TV. But I learned a powerful lesson from the first column! Just as RBSMs (Righteous Black Single Males) are outnumbered, pushed aside, and rendered invisible by the playas, rappers, thugs, and pimping brothers of our modern day, RBSFs (Righteous Black Single Females) are also outnumbered, pushed aside, and rendered invisible by the lewd, foolish, whorish, and evil sisters of our modern day.

In short, brothers, for every good sister out there, there are four women who are doing their best to bind, gag, and put her into a Witless Protection Program, making it hard for you to spot her. That's right--I said "Witless", because the 'hood rats' have caused the good sisters to lose their wits, as they chased them off screaming into the night!

Well, hang on Miss Right! Just like the REAL Buffalo Soldiers of old, the brotherhood is riding in to the RESCUE! Let's turn the key to activate The Brotherhood Warning Service--Part II!

TURNING THE KEY:
The BWS has been activated.
The question on the floor this month: When you THINK you have found the right woman (and it is NOT up to her to find YOU, no matter how it may look on TV), how do you KNOW that she is a woman worth marrying?

One clue is obvious: Use the brains God gave you--and nothing else!

At this stage of the game brothers, DO NOT put the 'honeymoon' before the proposal! Remember the Old School maxim: 'Do not BED her, until you WED her!' You may not like it, and she WILL not like it. However, if you claim to be an RBSM, you have to be 'upright' in ALL areas of your character--including your sex life.

Here are seven simple questions you need to get onto the table in your courtship phase with your future bride when you have made the decision to ask her for her hand. I call them the 'Ramey Great Eight'. They can be answered by her conduct, by her lips, or by her actions. However, these are questions that you have settled in your mind for two simple reasons:

1) She is going to be asking you the same--or similar--questions, and checking YOUR responses, and;
2) Miss Right has the right to check you out as to whether or not you are good husband material, the same as you have the right to check her out to see if she is good wife material.

Some of these questions have been submitted by some of the Good sisters in the house who are waiting for you to find them. Some of these questions have come from some of the Good brothers in the house, waiting to find women of quality to marry. Some of them have been floating around since the beginning of time. You can ask fewer than seven, or more than seven. Either way you decide to go--silence is NOT golden, when it comes to finding a future wife.

Keep in mind that the questions are in no certain order. However, the answers will yield a pattern that a blind man with a Seeing Eye dog could spot a mile away.
Ready? Saddle up, and let's ride!

THE RAMEY GREAT EIGHT:
1) CAN YOUR WOMAN--SHOP?
Legitimate question worth examining from the outset. How she treats her money will give you a firm education as to how she will treat YOUR money, and the finances of the household, should the two of you become husband and wife. Let me give you a clue on this one, brothers--feminists CAN'T shop; but a good sister CAN! She knows where the sales are, what the coupons are for, and knows how to turn bad service into bonus points and goods for the household. The woman who knows how to handle money is a blessing to have by your side. She will keep her eyes open for bargain that will keep BOTH of you looking good--and feeling great!

2) CAN YOUR WOMAN--COOK?
Another legitimate question--and one flown in to me by more than one good sister who read the first column. We are NOT talking about 'warming something up'. We ARE talking about cooking from scratch. A woman without a cookbook, let alone the ability to use pots and pans for cooking (NOT for throwing), is in serious need for some night courses at the local community college to find her way around the kitchen. A way to a man's heart is STILL through his stomach. Here at the Ramey household, brothers, let me make it plain, I can testify that her mother, and her mother's mother were excellent in the kitchen. And, when Gumbo season comes around, the line forms! Guess who has their plate out FIRST?

'Instant this' and 'dining out' are treats--NOT steady means of nutrition.
Can I get an AMEN from the husbands in the house?

3) DOES YOUR WOMAN ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU?
More than one sister flew this one in for the brotherhood, again, based on the first column. It seems, in some parts of the country, some sisters may be on your arm, but are 'checking out' the competition. Atlanta comes to mind, but there are OTHER cities where 'man sharing' is talked about as a 'legitimate' way to curb the so-called 'man shortage'. If she can't keep her eyes off the other brothers--married or single--while she is with you; FIRE HER! You don't need drama trailing the steps of your lady. I know more than one brother who is in the grave because their sweetheart didn't break it off 'clean' with their last love.

4) DOES YOUR WOMAN KNOW HOW TO DRESS?
Is your beloved wearing MORE or LESS when the two of you go out on the town, to church, or to enjoy an afternoon out with friends and/or family? Are others seeing too much of her when you are with her? If her hemlines are too high, or she is showing off way too much thigh, tell her about it. Remember, she is a reflection of you, just as you are a reflection of her! If she likes to keep it cut down too low, SHE'S GOT TO GO! Victoria may have a secret, but it is reserved for only one man. In the words of one sage of the Old School: "If I can see more of your woman than you can…she's NOT your woman!" Nuff said on this point.

5) DOES SHE FOLLOW YOUR LEAD?
This is especially for the brothers who are in the Word and in Church. Where does she stand on spiritual matters, especially in YOUR house of worship? Some portions of biblical doctrine demand obedience--not public opinion or committee decision. Truth is, many folk in many a community are known better at church than at any other institution. Someone in your church family probably has the 4-1-1 on your future bride and her family. Take what they have to say with a grain of salt, but listen, watch, and learn. Some sisters are not comfortable in church, not because they don't go--but because they don't believe good, sound, biblical preaching. Other sisters are not comfortable in church because they would rather do WRONG at every available opportunity.

If she spends much of her time 'begging off' from going to church, she won't follow your lead in anything else.

6) HOW DOES SHE TREAT HER FATHER?
Brothers, this one IS critical. How she treats, or views her own father is going to tell you volumes as to how she would eventually treat you, should you decide to marry. It matters little if her father is in the home, or not. How she views him is going to eventually 'show up' in how she treats YOU!

Now, I do realize that there are a lot of female-headed households, which means that you are going to have to do some 'investigative recon' to find out 'why' her mother was a single parent. Please meet and get to see your lady's mother--because in twenty or thirty years, this is the woman whom she will 'evolve' into upon marriage. If you can't meet her mom, it's best to end it, and BEGONE!

BTW you really DO need to find out what happened to her dad. Was he a walkway, runaway, or pushed-out father? And, were your intended's father and mother married before they had her. Like I said…what her mother is, she WILL become. That's the facts, Jack!

7) WILL SHE TAKE YOUR NAME?
Oooooh, I'm going to get some mail on THIS particular question, but I'll stand by it till the end of time. Brothers, if she won't take your name--without hyphenation--best drop her off at the nearest station. A woman with a hyphenated name is one who is not putting her all in the marital pot. She has one foot in the door, and one foot in a lawyer's office.
A lot of GOOD sisters back my play on this one.

Plus, if she is a professional, with licenses and the whole nine yards--it is easy, though time consuming--to have her name changed on that paperwork. If she doesn't want to spend the money to make the changes BEFORE she becomes a MRS., best leave here with her career and hope that the two of them will be very happy together. You DESERVE a woman who is willing to put her all into a marriage.
She IS going to demand that you do the same for her!

8) DOES GOD HAVE HER?
I KNOW that I will get some mail on this one…especially from the 'church going' sisters. Let me be blunt: Going to church does NOT mean you are a Christian, anymore than walking across a college campus proves that you have a degree. Brothers, if YOU are a Christian, SHE must be a Christian. Otherwise, according to the B-I-B-L-E, you CANNOT marry her.

IF YOU are, and SHE isn't…FIRE HER. N.M.D!

Why are the scriptures so adamant about the believer/non-believer issue? Put it this way--it's just God's way of stating that you have enough challenges in life.

You DON'T need drama from a woman who is not God's disciple--FIRST! Let's have an AMEN from the cheap seats on this one!

THE BWS IS NOW ENDED:
I happened to check out a TV show a few months back where the subject was why certain women could have all the trappings of physical success, but cannot get a date. Like I said, I am NOT a relationship guru; but I could spot the problem with these sisters in an instant.

They ALL had selfish, funky, and haughty attitudes. Brothers, can we be down front on this last item?
A woman with a 'tude' is not the type of woman that you need on your arm, walking down the isle of marital happiness. Sure, disagreements are going to rear their ugly heads in any marriage. However, someone who has a 'tude' 24/7 is in need of mental help--NOT marriage!

Think of this one as I come to a close. It comes from Pastor John Hagee. "Marriage is the ULTIMATE test of a man's decision making abilities!" In other words, if you don't bother to check the information you receive, YOU are the one who will pay a dear price…a VERY dear price.

Let me close with a piece of time tested advice. When YOU find her, don't falter--get her to the altar!
And the brotherhood said: AMEN!

MIKE RAMEY is the author of The Manhood Line. A syndicated, monthly column, written for men from a biblical, business, and common sense perspective. Emails welcome to manhoodline@yahoo.com.
2003 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications International



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