Welcome to fall brothers--and manhood school is
always in session!
If you have read the first part of this column, you are more than ready for
part two. Since your favorite columnist is picking up new readers all the time
(including a LOT of upright sisters), let me provide a 'cliff refresher' as
to the contents of the first installment.
Don't worry--if you can't find it
now, someone WILL send it to you!
*In the first column, yours truly had reported on the ways in which some single
sisters were spending their spare time using various Internet websites as 'stealth
hammers' to 'try' to club the brotherhood. These sisters were telling the world
what some brothers weren't doing, or weren't providing when it came to relationships.
Never mind the fact that their contribution to the relationship breakup never
did (and never seems to) come up for discussion.
In some sisters' view
it was all HIS fault--period.
Since I am no stranger to controversy, I pulled out my trusty keyboard and
my KJV Bible. Yours truly was blessed to provide a list of four types of women
the brotherhood should A-V-O-I-D like the plague, and THE one type of woman
good brothers should seek with all deliberate speed--as WIVES. I also mentioned
in the column that if you know the types of women to avoid, the name did not
matter. It was a fill-in-the-blank process.
I also challenged the sistahhood to start kicking these bad sisters to the
I always find it strange that some women are quick to line the brotherhood
up against the wall for every slight--real or perceived--but never seem to
ever get up the courage to confront their whorish, roughneck, and hood rat
FRIENDS! But, I digress.
With that column finished, syndicated to my clients and put to bed, I went
on to other projects. Columnists don't have the luxury of waiting for responses
especially when you do a monthly on the Internet.
Then, one cold, winter afternoon--one of my email accounts went berserk!
First, I got a lot of email from a great number of brothers who FINALLY had
a tool and a road map they could use in their manhood arsenal to find Miss
Right. Second, the email responses from the GOOD sisters ran three to one in
favor of the first column.
In the immortal words of a well known sage: I'm baaaaaack!
Now, I'm not a 'relationship guru', nor do I play one on TV. But I learned
a powerful lesson from the first column! Just as RBSMs (Righteous Black Single
Males) are outnumbered, pushed aside, and rendered invisible by the playas,
rappers, thugs, and pimping brothers of our modern day, RBSFs (Righteous Black
Single Females) are also outnumbered, pushed aside, and rendered invisible
by the lewd, foolish, whorish, and evil sisters of our modern day.
In short, brothers, for every good sister out there, there are four women who
are doing their best to bind, gag, and put her into a Witless Protection Program,
making it hard for you to spot her. That's right--I said "Witless", because the 'hood rats' have caused the good sisters to lose their wits, as they chased them off screaming into the night!
Well, hang on Miss Right! Just like the REAL Buffalo Soldiers of old, the brotherhood
is riding in to the RESCUE! Let's turn the key to activate The Brotherhood
Warning Service--Part II!
TURNING THE KEY:
The BWS has been activated.
The question on the floor this month: When you THINK you have found the right
woman (and it is NOT up to her to find YOU, no matter how it may look on TV),
how do you KNOW that she is a woman worth marrying?
One clue is obvious: Use the brains God gave you--and nothing else!
At this stage of the game brothers, DO NOT put the 'honeymoon' before the proposal!
Remember the Old School maxim: 'Do not BED her, until you WED her!' You may
not like it, and she WILL not like it. However, if you claim to be an RBSM,
you have to be 'upright' in ALL areas of your character--including your sex
Here are seven simple questions you need to get onto the table in your courtship
phase with your future bride when you have made the decision to ask her for
her hand. I call them the 'Ramey Great Eight'. They can be answered by her
conduct, by her lips, or by her actions. However, these are questions that
you have settled in your mind for two simple reasons:
1) She is going to be asking you the same--or similar--questions, and checking
YOUR responses, and;
2) Miss Right has the right to check you out as to whether or not you are good
husband material, the same as you have the right to check her out to see if
she is good wife material.
Some of these questions have been submitted by some of the Good sisters in
the house who are waiting for you to find them. Some of these questions have
come from some of the Good brothers in the house, waiting to find women of
quality to marry. Some of them have been floating around since the beginning
of time. You can ask fewer than seven, or more than seven. Either way you decide
to go--silence is NOT golden, when it comes to finding a future wife.
Keep in mind that the questions are in no certain order. However, the answers
will yield a pattern that a blind man with a Seeing Eye dog could spot a mile
Ready? Saddle up, and let's ride!
THE RAMEY GREAT EIGHT:
1) CAN YOUR WOMAN--SHOP?
Legitimate question worth examining from the outset. How she treats her money
will give you a firm education as to how she will treat YOUR money, and the
finances of the household, should the two of you become husband and wife. Let
me give you a clue on this one, brothers--feminists CAN'T shop; but a good
sister CAN! She knows where the sales are, what the coupons are for, and knows
how to turn bad service into bonus points and goods for the household. The
woman who knows how to handle money is a blessing to have by your side. She
will keep her eyes open for bargain that will keep BOTH of you looking good--and
2) CAN YOUR WOMAN--COOK?
Another legitimate question--and one flown in to me by more than one good sister
who read the first column. We are NOT talking about 'warming something up'.
We ARE talking about cooking from scratch. A woman without a cookbook, let
alone the ability to use pots and pans for cooking (NOT for throwing), is in
serious need for some night courses at the local community college to find
her way around the kitchen. A way to a man's heart is STILL through his stomach.
Here at the Ramey household, brothers, let me make it plain, I can testify
that her mother, and her mother's mother were excellent in the kitchen. And,
when Gumbo season comes around, the line forms! Guess who has their plate out
'Instant this' and 'dining out' are treats--NOT steady means of nutrition.
Can I get an AMEN from the husbands in the house?
3) DOES YOUR WOMAN ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU?
More than one sister flew this one in for the brotherhood, again, based on
the first column. It seems, in some parts of the country, some sisters may
be on your arm, but are 'checking out' the competition. Atlanta comes to mind,
but there are OTHER cities where 'man sharing' is talked about as a 'legitimate'
way to curb the so-called 'man shortage'. If she can't keep her eyes off the
other brothers--married or single--while she is with you; FIRE HER! You don't
need drama trailing the steps of your lady. I know more than one brother who
is in the grave because their sweetheart didn't break it off 'clean' with their
4) DOES YOUR WOMAN KNOW HOW TO DRESS?
Is your beloved wearing MORE or LESS when the two of you go out on the town,
to church, or to enjoy an afternoon out with friends and/or family? Are others
seeing too much of her when you are with her? If her hemlines are too high,
or she is showing off way too much thigh, tell her about it. Remember, she
is a reflection of you, just as you are a reflection of her! If she likes to
keep it cut down too low, SHE'S GOT TO GO! Victoria may have a secret, but
it is reserved for only one man. In the words of one sage of the Old School: "If I can see more of your woman than you can
she's NOT your woman!" Nuff said on this point.
5) DOES SHE FOLLOW YOUR LEAD?
This is especially for the brothers who are in the Word and in Church. Where
does she stand on spiritual matters, especially in YOUR house of worship? Some
portions of biblical doctrine demand obedience--not public opinion or committee
decision. Truth is, many folk in many a community are known better at church
than at any other institution. Someone in your church family probably has the
4-1-1 on your future bride and her family. Take what they have to say with
a grain of salt, but listen, watch, and learn. Some sisters are not comfortable
in church, not because they don't go--but because they don't believe good,
sound, biblical preaching. Other sisters are not comfortable in church because
they would rather do WRONG at every available opportunity.
If she spends much of her time 'begging off' from going to church, she won't
follow your lead in anything else.
6) HOW DOES SHE TREAT HER FATHER?
Brothers, this one IS critical. How she treats, or views her own father is
going to tell you volumes as to how she would eventually treat you, should
you decide to marry. It matters little if her father is in the home, or not.
How she views him is going to eventually 'show up' in how she treats YOU!
Now, I do realize that there are a lot of female-headed households, which means
that you are going to have to do some 'investigative recon' to find out 'why'
her mother was a single parent. Please meet and get to see your lady's mother--because
in twenty or thirty years, this is the woman whom she will 'evolve' into upon
marriage. If you can't meet her mom, it's best to end it, and BEGONE!
BTW you really DO need to find out what happened to her dad. Was he a walkway,
runaway, or pushed-out father? And, were your intended's father and mother
married before they had her. Like I said
what her mother is, she WILL become. That's the facts, Jack!
7) WILL SHE TAKE YOUR NAME?
Oooooh, I'm going to get some mail on THIS particular question, but I'll stand
by it till the end of time. Brothers, if she won't take your name--without
hyphenation--best drop her off at the nearest station. A woman with a hyphenated
name is one who is not putting her all in the marital pot. She has one foot
in the door, and one foot in a lawyer's office.
A lot of GOOD sisters back my play on this one.
Plus, if she is a professional, with licenses and the whole nine yards--it
is easy, though time consuming--to have her name changed on that paperwork.
If she doesn't want to spend the money to make the changes BEFORE she becomes
a MRS., best leave here with her career and hope that the two of them will
be very happy together. You DESERVE a woman who is willing to put her all into
She IS going to demand that you do the same for her!
8) DOES GOD HAVE HER?
I KNOW that I will get some mail on this one
especially from the 'church going' sisters. Let me be blunt: Going to church does NOT mean you are a Christian, anymore than walking across a college campus proves that you have a degree. Brothers, if YOU are a Christian, SHE must be a Christian. Otherwise, according to the B-I-B-L-E, you CANNOT marry her.
IF YOU are, and SHE isn't
FIRE HER. N.M.D!
Why are the scriptures so adamant about the believer/non-believer issue? Put
it this way--it's just God's way of stating that you have enough challenges
You DON'T need drama from a woman who is not God's disciple--FIRST! Let's have
an AMEN from the cheap seats on this one!
THE BWS IS NOW ENDED:
I happened to check out a TV show a few months back where the subject was why
certain women could have all the trappings of physical success, but cannot
get a date. Like I said, I am NOT a relationship guru; but I could spot the
problem with these sisters in an instant.
They ALL had selfish, funky, and haughty attitudes. Brothers, can we be down
front on this last item?
A woman with a 'tude' is not the type of woman that you need on your arm, walking
down the isle of marital happiness. Sure, disagreements are going to rear their
ugly heads in any marriage. However, someone who has a 'tude' 24/7 is in need
of mental help--NOT marriage!
Think of this one as I come to a close. It comes from Pastor John Hagee. "Marriage
is the ULTIMATE test of a man's decision making abilities!" In other words, if
you don't bother to check the information you receive, YOU are the one who will
pay a dear price
a VERY dear price.
Let me close with a piece of time tested advice. When YOU find her, don't falter--get
her to the altar!
And the brotherhood said: AMEN!