'Rolling Stones' -- or Solid Homes? - The Black Corner

This IS a formal Declaration of War against EVERY Rapper, Hip-Hopper, and ‘No Schooler’ who has--either in thought, action, or deed--attempted to bypass, tear down, or destroy traditional marriage and stable homes.

Mark it down, brothers: THIS Father’s Day we ARE going to clean house. We are going to end the silence of political correctness and attempt to encourage marriage BEFORE sex in looking at fatherhood from the point of view of the children BORN out of wedlock.

No, marriage is NOT for everybody--but sex outside of marriage is NOT for everybody either! Yes, marriages DO fail--but weekend relationships are shallow substitutes for the real thing. Now hear this: The solution for better marriages rests in building up the institution, rather than abandoning it on the altars of excuses and entertainment just to ‘please’ the excuse-lovers of society.

Until a few years ago, America had made an art form out of disrespecting men and fatherhood. However, the events of 9/11 and the subsequent war overseas generated a lot of positive press. Not only did it become ‘cool’ be a man but it also became ‘hip’ to be a father. Television footage of men in uniform hugging children and kissing wives as they shipped out for parts unknown STILL puts a lump in many a throat. These images have the most died-in-the-wool feminist thanking God that THEY didn’t have to go ‘duke it out’ with our international enemies.

Of course, ‘the enlightened’ of Madison Avenue have been cashing in on the manhood and fatherhood revival. We are, albeit slowly, seeing positive commercials proving that fathers are important to the well being of their children. And, where advertising is pointing the way, movies and television shows are proving that they are just as capable in spotting the new ‘fatherhood is cool’ trend.

I DID NOT STUTTER:
Let’s not drift off course in euphoria brothers; there is still work to do.

More must be done to restore fatherhood to its rightful celebration IN marriage.

We’ve been playing games with the ‘unwed fatherhood trap’ for far too long.

Let’s stop the excuses: REAL men MARRY before they PROCREATE and REAL women should DEMAND a wedding ring BEFORE they MATE. Marriage--between one man and one woman--has NOT been respected.

It has been ignored.

Our lawmakers have sidestepped it by not amending tax codes making marriage more desirable, various pundits in the Black community have been bypassing it to justify immorality and some of our churches have been retreating from it out of sheer cowardice. Even the few groups that DO support fatherhood have been doing more for unwed fathers than married men (which is one of the reasons why more men do not join these groups).

If I may be so bold, we’ve allowed Hip Hop/Rap entertainers of our day to ‘determine’ the placement of a ‘Baby Mama’ or a ‘Baby Daddy’ ahead of REAL fatherhood in a REAL marriage. We can talk all day about how ‘sisters made the wrong choices’ in bearing OOWs, but they DID NOT make those choices ALONE! Let me state for the record that a ‘Baby Daddy’ is a male who cannot control his zipper and is trapped in the mode of irresponsibility by deliberate selfishness.

Remember this: A ‘Baby Daddy’ IS a father, but not a HUSBAND. He IS a male, but NOT a M-A-N! Until he marries the mother of his child, he is going to have to confront not only a disrespected and angry woman; he will ALSO have to eventually confront a disrespected, angry, and bitter offspring. The crime trends, the roll call at juvenile hall, and the head count at your state prisons are composed of angry little boys who were born out of wedlock and grew up to be angry young men with a grudge against their biological fathers who ‘rolled’ for a night, and ‘rolled’ off into oblivion.

THE WRECKAGE IS OUT THERE!
I know, I know; this USED to be covered in the church. Well, I might as well be blunt. Since many of today’s Black pastors are more interested in politics rather than biblical truth, it is any wonder that the Black church has lost its voice on real social issues?

Some pastors ACUTALLY believe that there is ‘no such thing’ as an illegitimate child…even though the BIBLE they preach from contains example after example of the OOW issue--and its consequences.

Remember what happened to Eli, Samuel--AND their sons, Amen?

A few decades back, The Temptations came out with a successful song entitled “Papa Was A Rolling Stone”. I invite you who are single and have contributed--or are thinking about contributing--to the increasing OOW rate to do a web search and get a copy of the lyrics. As a matter of fact, as a piece of advice to single women everywhere, pick up a copy of the lyrics yourself and see IF that single man you are seeing happens to fit the profile of the brother described in the song. IF he does, DROP HIM!

Let’s have an AMEN from the upright single sisters in the house!

CHECK THE SCOREBOARD:
Moving right along; the song will provide you with a great idea as to how your future children will feel, if you don’t settle first things first and M-A-R-R-Y that woman whom you may be interested in--before you even think about becoming a father.

Marriage is the ONLY venue for TRUE fathers under GOD’S plan!

Let’s have a first-hand look at the handiwork of the ‘Baby Daddy’ pack:
*A rise in violent crime from girls AND boys.
*A rise in the severity of STDs (Sexually Transmitted Diseases).
*A rise in school disciplinary problems by young men and young women.
*A rise in sales of anti-depressant, and other drugs for ADHD, ODD, etc.
*A rise in the number of therapists, social workers and school counselors.
*A rise in the number of young men and young women heading to jail/prison.

Want even more tragedy? More and more schools, family courts, and social service providers are seeing young men repeating the trend of THEIR irresponsible and hard-headed fathers by birthing ‘lil Gs’ of their own.

I have one simple question to put to unmarried fathers: WHY?

Do you LIKE the sound of your ‘offspring’ cursing your name to a stranger? Believe it or not a cop, judge, social worker, therapist, or probation officer IS a stranger!

‘BLESSED’ OR ‘CURSED’--YOU CHOOSE, MY BROTHER!
In the Bible, a child born out of wedlock is called a ‘bastard’. Plain and simple. Once more, there is a TEN-generation curse upon a child born out of wedlock. Do your own research and check the Bible out for yourself.

I know why many Pastors--Black or White--won’t broach this topic.

They are C-H-I-C-K-E-N!

They haven’t sat in juvenile hall, listening to young males berate, curse, and cry because their father is nowhere to be found. They haven’t watched young females fall prey to every ‘smooth talking thugg’ in the neighborhood (or in church) because their father was nowhere around to school them in how to tell a godly man from a satanic counterfeit. They haven’t sat through a few ‘hot’ rap videos that boast of ‘grabbing booty’ rather than being respectful of our single sisters.

Bad women don’t become bad all by themselves.

Perhaps the REAL reason for silence in the church is the fact that there are TOO many pastors, preachers, elders and deacons who have been contributing to the problem, and use the church to ‘justify’ their sin!

Are you a ‘rolling stone’ Papa or are you building a solid home? On THIS Father’s Day, best keep your ‘roll’ in your role as father at home. Keep that wedding band visible and stay loyal to your wife. IF you have children from another relationship, as E. V. Hill once put it: “Take care of BOTH sets!”

For my single brothers, if you who get the itch…don’t think about scratching unless you’ve got a marriage proposal, ring, church, and wedding date. We don’t need any more angry young men and women on our streets--or in our jails. We have far too many teens cursing the silent OOW roll call of men who traded away their future manhood for a new name: ‘Baby Daddy’ instead of husband.

If you have ‘scratched’ and the mother of your kids does not want to marry you for whatever reason, then you still must support those children financially. Do not get into who did what. Do not hand me ‘excuses’ about why you can’t come up with Child Support…but you CAN pay for new rims, fake gold teeth, and the ‘bling’.

If you PLAY, you PAY!

YOU helped to birth those children brother; YOU must help to take care of them--right down to getting your own spiritual life right with Jesus Christ so you can pray--and pay--for them effectively. Above all, don’t be bitter about it. Become better through it. It’s never too late to be blessed by your children. But you have to give them someone to bless, instead of curse.

No more ‘rolling stones’...but brothers who ARE builders of solid homes!

MIKE RAMEY is the author of THE MANHOOD LINE. A monthly, syndicated column for men, written from a biblical, business, and common sense pers ective. Email and Bmail welcome to manhoodline@yahoo.com.