ONLY an older woman can teach a younger woman how to become
a competent, complete, content and spiritually mature woman.
ONLY an older man can teach a younger man how to grow to
be productive, producing, complete, providing, and spiritually
mature. Attempting any other formula--regardless of reason--is
an invitation to failure.
It’s just that simple.
Back in the day, a brother would not DARE go out into public
shabbily dressed, let alone looking like an escapee from
a state prison. The main reason (besides the wrath of your
parents); a member of the opposite sex you might have an
interest in would do her best to let you know that your
‘broke down look’ was not acceptable.
I remember the day a young man would rather DIE than smell
like a garage at a school or club dance function, simply
because the young women in attendance would go out of their
way to let a brother know that he had ‘offended’.
To the sisters in the house, I must ask a question:
“What HAPPENED to your STANDARDS?”
TIME TO COME BACK TO THIS ISSUE:
I didn’t stutter. What HAPPENED to your STANDARDS?
I have noticed more and more ‘allegedly’ intelligent
Black women out for a drive with the neighborhood ‘thugg’
in tow, complete with his diamond earring stud, sagging
pants, cheap jewelry, a hoodie or a backwards cap on their
No, the brother is not driving the car; SHE is!
I go into a store and see high school girls arm-in-arm
with a pint-sized thugg wannabe from the neighborhood, fake
gold teeth, sagging pants and all. I take my wife to dinner,
and I see the streets awash in a flood of ‘thuggery’--even
at the so called ‘good’ restaurants.
A few months back, I happened to be sitting in the office
of a friend of mine who is a successful education administrator.
He too has noticed ‘the rise’ in intelligent
sisters who delighted (that’s right, I said DELIGHTED)
in driving around the town with the neighborhood thugg in
the passenger seat.
He and I were shaking our heads in disbelief.
My friend mentioned what a lot of Black men already seem
to know: Too many of the women of today are more interested
in boys, because they can’t control--nor want to listen
It used to be that we could say ‘the sistah didn’t
know’. It’s pretty hard to make that statement
now, when more and more women have the degrees, positions
So, I guess it boils down to the ‘Ramey Three Deadly
D’s’: Desperation, Domination, and just plain
Ladies, again: WHAT happened to your STANDARDS?
SISTERS SHOULD BE EXAMINING THEMSELVES:
The brotherhood heard the call from society and has been
reaching out to young Black men. Where ARE the sisters who
are doing the same with young Black women?
It seems that some sisters are visible for every other
type of media visibility--except getting young women under
control. I’ve seen more women show up for photo ops
on topics from ‘relationship advice’ (and are
NOT married), to pushing more ‘get rich quick’
schemes onto their unsuspecting friends (and relatives,
and coworkers); to seeking state and federal grants to start
mentoring programs for young Black men.
In short, we’ve got many sisters doing everything--but
the RIGHT thing!
I’ll make it easy on the sisterhood/sistahhood who
may be reading this month’s column; IF you had your
male child(ren) out of wedlock, and cut him off from having
contact with his biological father because of your OWN selfishness,
no amount of ‘mentoring’ will fill that void.
YOU, my sister, need to resolve some issues in your OWN
home before you ask for help from the outside.
Here are three items I believe that older women need to
be teaching to our younger women throughout society:
The difference between going to church and having church
The difference between uplifting and destructive friendships
The difference between single and married and respecting
THE BIG THREE:
Let’s start with the last one first. There are plenty
of older, single women who are more than happy being single.
Let’s face it, ladies--marriage is NOT for everyone,
and DEFINITELY not for the selfish, manipulating, bitter,
resentful, or wandering. Nevertheless, I have run into more
than a few sisters who are single and have everything going
for them--and long to be married; plus I have run into more
than a few married sisters--who long to be single.
It takes an older woman who is content with her lot in
life to teach a younger woman that same contentment. However,
we don’t see this kind of teaching in our modern day
from the MSM, or from the ‘talking heads and shallow
souls’ that haunt the TV talk circus.
I don’t know about you, but I sometimes wonder how
wise Oprah COULD be, if a truly blessed older Black woman
would have taken the sister under her wing.
Maybe, Oprah and Stedman would have been celebrating another
wedding anniversary by this time.
But, I digress.
ONLY TWO LEFT TO GO:
Next on our radar screen, the TYPES of friendships women
make among themselves are REALLY a cause for concern. There
has been more than one brother who has found the woman of
his dreams--only to have the ‘dark cloud’ of
Miss Right’s wayward, trifling, and whorish friends
blast their way into the picture.
Bad in-laws are never as bad as some tragic ‘sistahfriends’
in the background!
Don’t shout me down when I’m on a roll, amen?
How GOOD women know--and have--Jezebel, Delilah, and a
host of other ‘wrong way’ sisters as their ‘bestest’
friends is beyond me. It is more troubling to see these
friendships extend INTO the marriage arena after a sister
says ‘I Do’. The friends (who are single in
most cases) circle many a home (like buzzards looking for
a free meal) seeking to drag their now-married friend back
to the clubs and male sex shows they used to attend religiously
as a pack of female wolves.
Speaking of religion, let me move on to that item at the
head of my short list.
I might as well be blunt. There are STILL young women who
attend the churches across our land who have forgotten what
church is all about. Church is NOT meant to be a fashion
show, nor a place for a woman to land a date for the weekend.
It’s about God, period. His worship; His praise,
His plan, and His Word!
This next item is a subtopic of the issue and will get
a little rough for some sisters. I‘ll mention it anyway.
For a woman to step into a man’s role in the church
is spiritual suicide--as the PULPIT is reserved for MEN
only. According to published sources, there are currently
more than 175 denominations allowing women to serve as Pastors,
Elders and Leaders OVER men. While those numbers do not
show a decrease, many of these denominations are experiencing
a host of financial and spiritual problems because of their
disobedience to the biblical standard.
Sisters, if the preaching/teaching/fellowship of your church
does not square with the Bible, DO NOT waste your time in
And the sisters--and brothers--in the house said: AMEN!
© 2005 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications International.
This column appears upon ONLY the finest websites around
the world! Used by permission, BlackandChristian.com, 2005.