The article read like a bad dream.
Earlier in October, according to published reports, a survey found that young
women in the USA and Canada are more sexually active--and in some cases sexually
aggressive--than young women in previous generations.
The study, released by San Diego State University, hit with the force of a
well-placed missile with a nuclear payload. Researchers found that ‘…sexual
guilt plummeted, especially among young women…’ They analyzed some
530 studies on sex spanning five decades and more than a quarter million young
The full report appears in the “Review of General Psychology”.
Now, a few columns back, I reflected upon a conversation I had with a very
wise brother who serves as a school administrator in my neck of the woods.
The topic centered on the ‘used to be taboo’ subject of sexual
relations between adult female teachers and teenaged male students. He had
heard through the proverbial grapevine that not only were these relationships
flourishing; some older females were holding them up as an attractive alternative
to the current dating scene.
“Easier to lead a boy, than to follow a man”, was his take on
Unfortunately, this past summer of 2005 would bear his words out as prophetic.
By my count there were at least five such incidents of adult female/student
male involvement that made headlines--and I might have missed a few. In one
case the male ‘participant’ was eight, and his ‘lover’ was
above 30. Her excuse was ‘she just couldn’t help’ herself,
engaging in a ‘fantasy relationship’ with the boy. She sent this
boy love letters, and--in view of her daughter--was caught in bed at least
once with the eight year old boy.
The subject of this month’s column is a different angle on this older
woman/younger boy taboo, or even the study I mentioned at the head of this
column. You see, what began as barely a whisper some five years ago will soon
be shouted from newspaper headlines and Internet web pages. The matter I’m
talking about is already on the streets, and taking place in society. In another
five years we may see only the tip of the iceberg of the damage and destruction.
The true tragedy of the issue is that few--if any--want to consider the risks.
It goes back to the earlier statement you read above: “Easier to lead
a boy, than to follow a man.” We’re going to talk about sexually
aggressive older women--and our young men.
FIRST--THE REALITY OF THE LAW:
In all jurisdictions, sex between adults and minors is FORBIDDEN by law. A
minor is a male or female who is UNDER the age of consent in a particular
state. This simply means that a minor can not enter into contracts, get a
driver‘s license, drop out of school, or handle financial matters unless
a parent/guardian gives their OK.
Let me also hasten to add this. IF there is a two year age difference between
the participant and the victim, this will also be brought into legal play when
charges are filed, whether there was ‘consent’ or not.
Thus, no matter how a minor may ‘look’ physically, if their age
is NOT the age of majority, or the age of consent, sexual relations between
a minor and an adult will lead to charges being filed--and those charges will
be FELONIES. Plus, the ‘adult’ will be required--if found guilty
of breaking the law--to register as a sex offender AND oftentimes will have
to pay the therapy costs of their victim.
It boggles the mind how an adult female in a position of authority and trust,
can seduce or ‘get busy’ with someone whom they KNOW is off limits
to their sexual passions. Many of the women brought to justice and formally
charged in these ‘relationships’ appear to be normal, healthy,
and (in too many cases) married--with kids of their own.
I wonder what they would say and do IF one of their teenaged children would
come home and say that their ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ is
25 or older? You KNOW that they would be on the phone to the cops, the media,
and their lawyers demanding ‘justice’ for their ‘baby’ who
should have never gotten ‘mixed up’ in an illicit relationship
that was beyond their years.
“Easier to lead a boy, than to follow a man”.
IF WE KNOW THIS GOING IN:
We have already demonstrated--on paper--the general legalities of adults and
children engaging in sexual activity: One, because it is a criminal offense;
two, because it causes psychological damage over the long term; three, it
is selfishness and laziness on the part of the adult. That’s right,
I said ‘selfishness’ and ‘laziness’. Think about
it. By ‘bowing’ to the myths surrounding one’s own sexual
urges, the adult woman snatching a boy off of the tree of his youth is an
extension of ‘doing one’s own thing’.
Now those doing the ‘snatching’ are getting younger…and
Having said all that, the issue that is starting to surface in some urban
areas is ‘young’ baby daddies, and ‘old’ baby mammas.
Or, in other words, another version of the adult female/minor male drama.
Let’s say that Rhonda is 18 to 21 years old. Rhonda either discovers
that she is pregnant, or she WANTS to be pregnant. Not wanting to enter the ‘risk’ of
marriage or a ‘long term’ relationship, she spies under-16 year
old Johnny around the hood. Johnny ‘hangs out’ because he doesn’t
go to school, is two steps away from being expelled, has all of his (parts),
looks like a man--from a distance--and has ‘seen’ Rhonda around.
One thing leads to another, and Johnny is led to believe that he is a ‘baby
daddy’ at his young age--and he crows like a love-struck rooster. Rhonda
goes to Johnny’s mom, and breaks the news to her about her pregnancy.
However, she ‘hints’ that she won’t have Johnny charged with
Rape as the two are ‘in love’. Johnny, being without much in the
way of common sense, thinks he has ‘accomplished’ something and ‘admits’ that
he is the baby daddy. Baby arrives. Rhonda has not only a built in baby sitter--but
can legally tap Johnny’s mother’s purse via Child Support--IF she
wanted to make things ugly. She’ll settle for ‘diaper money’ and
babysitting of ‘their child’ while she goes out once or twice a
week to ‘get her roll on’.
The ‘Statutory Rape’ of Johnny by Rhonda is seldom addressed in
the conversation. Johnny’s mother doesn’t think that he was a victim
in this scenario because--for the first time in Johnny’s life--he has ‘taken
responsibility’. A DNA test of the child does not surface in the conversation
either, as--again--Johnny has ‘fessed up’.
Of course, if Johnny’s mother decides to go to the cops, SHE risks having
Johnny--and ‘his child’--taken away by the authorities. Rhonda ‘could’ risk
being named as a ‘child molester’ for seducing Johnny (because
he was under-sixteen) AND lose the baby to the Child Protective System--not
to mention the jail time she could face.
You may be asking yourself how Johnny got himself into this mess. I’d
like to say that he was properly schooled on sexual responsibility…but
that begins at home. Home is also the place where true education and bible
basics must be taught--and modeled.
In reality, there are a lot more ‘Rhondas’ on the prowl than ‘Johnnys’ able
to block their advances. They are on a serious quest to get YOURS--while they
are young. If they succeed, Johnny’s parents are going to watch him lose
his youth--and financial health--rather quickly. They may be taken along for
a ride to a place they don’t want to go.
Early Grandparent City.
MIKE RAMEY is the author of THE MANHOOD LINE. A syndicated, monthly
column written for men from a biblical, business, and common sense perspective.
It appears on fine websites around the world. Emails, Bmails and Pmails are welcomed
to the following address: email@example.com.
©2005 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications International.
Used by permission, BlackandChristian.com, 2005.