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The Black Cornerempty posted: 12.05
Mike Ramey Mike Ramey
What Then--Do We Say? Part One
by Mike Ramey,
The Manhoodline
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Warning: The Following Column May Contain Language Unsuitable For Some Readers of “The Manhood Line”

As this column closes in on its ten-year anniversary mark, there is still much ground to cover, and issues to be brought before the brotherhood. You see, no matter how saved, sanctified, and full of the Holy Ghost one may profess being; no matter how many ‘Million’ marches one has attended; no matter how many protests one has initiated; no matter where one stands on the abortion issue, one does not have to go too far down the street to ‘bump’ into a child born outside of wedlock.

The biblical term for such a child is ‘bastard’--but I digress.

According to a report issued by the National Center for Health Statistics in October 2005, a record number out-of-wedlock births--nearly 1.5 million--were born to unmarried women in the United States in 2004. Once more, those births make up more than 35 percent of ALL domestic births. The increases in these births--according to published reports--are taking place among women in their 20s, the age range in which fertility in women is at its highest. Teen mothers made up slightly less than 25 percent of those births, meaning that the births--for the most part--happened to WOMEN who KNEW what they were DOING and did not want to marry.

Now, let us be clear here. ANY child BORN OUTSIDE of the bonds of marriage--no matter the technology used or the rationalization put forth--is still an out of wedlock child. Such children used to be tagged as ‘illegitimate’. However, because more and more women of money and influence have been birthing them, they have lost that social stigma by being ‘renamed’.

Years ago, there was a song that made a huge impact on the R & B charts called: “The Name Game”. These days, we are surrounded by people, pressure groups, and a gullible mainstream press anxiously specializing in the ‘Rename Game’; whereby words that have a certain truth attached to them, like ‘Adultery’, are repackaged and renamed in order to remove some of their sting, like the ‘Affair’ instead of the ‘Adulterous Relationship’.

Of course, you may change the word, but you can’t hide the guilt, nor the final result of the sin. In terms of an illegitimate child, the child may be ‘called’ an out-of-wedlock child, but it will still be regarded as a ‘bastard’ by society.

Even if that child is carrying the mother’s name.

Another victim of the ‘rename’ game has been the truth. There have been MANY instances where a man has learned that he is the father of a child--and wants to MARRY the mother. Unfortunately, she would rather have her ‘independence’ (and a healthy dose of child support) to ‘battle on’ in a cruel world, rather than give in to tradition and take the man’s name--ring and all--and give her child what he/she truly needs.

A father.

May I be bold here? The hardheaded actions of some women have contributed to the fatherless dilemma as equally as the absence of some men. I know I’m going to get some Bmails on this, but hear me out. There may be some disappearing daddies on the OOW issue; but there are just as many vanishing mommies on the scales as well.

This is one truth that will not survive ‘renaming’.

There is a solution to the problem and it rests with having the wisdom to confront this issue head on, instead of continuing to sidestep it. The brotherhood has to help push child-building, instead of child-raising. We need to stop letting people ‘raise’ children, and teach them how to BUILD children into successful children…and later dynamic, functioning adults.

To be honest, child raising isn’t working among OOW kids for a variety of reasons. First, the mothers who birth these bastards have no firm foundation themselves. IF they did--they would have WAITED until they got MARRIED to have children. Second, the child(ren) do not have a firm foundation, because the mother spends most of her time putting the child(ren) into ‘programs’ rather than getting her home in order to build her OWN children. Lastly, the community doesn’t have a firm foundation of relationship with the OOW child, because the mother is spending too much time ‘justifying’ or ‘covering’ her having the child in the first place. If the community does see them, it is either a quick ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ or appeals for help in the form of money, clothes, childcare, or college scholarships.

You can only ‘raise’ something once it is assumed, and declared DEAD.

However, one can BUILD something up, layer upon layer; precept upon precept.

Since I’m heading for a close, here are two of the four keys to get the building process started--or, I should say re-started--in many of our communities.

NEVER are members of the brotherhood to hate on these children, or their mother. WE need to be the first on the scene to help them out when we can.

However, let me put forth what Mama needs to do, too:

FIRST: A respect for TRUTH in the CHILD must be BUILT by getting the ‘Where’s Daddy’ issue confessed and dealt with PERIOD. Mama MUST get this matter settled within the child as early as they can be made to understand. This ALSO means that a caravan of men CAN NOT be in and out of the home while children are in it, and UPRIGHT sisters need to ‘school’ a woman in getting back on the right route.

SECOND: Mama needs to be ENCOURAGED by the BROTHERHOOD to re-introduce herself to the Bible and the Church and STICK WITH IT through thick and thin. As she grows in this area, her child(ren) will grow in grace as well. THIS is going to take some true time for healing, as more than a few sisters have been ‘wronged’ by DOGS posing as MEN in the Church house! True Christian men are protectors of women and children, not predators on them!

In reality, there are already grown men who are the products of single parent homes, who have never had a brother in their lives to steer them the right way. They have become stunted in their relations with other men because they have not gotten over the hurt from their pasts. Some of them are behind our pulpits.

MIKE RAMEY is the author of THE MANHOOD LINE. A syndicated, monthly column written for men from a biblical, business, and common sense perspective. It appears on fine websites around the world. Emails, Bmails and Pmails are welcomed to the following address:

©2005 Mike Ramey/Barnstorm Communications International.
Used by permission,, 2005.

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